Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
