I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
