then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Drake has all the answers
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize