Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
