TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
