Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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