She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
