I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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