My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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