hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
