he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
