i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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