Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
