You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
