she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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