Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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