Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize