I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
