We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
