I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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