If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mom said you looked used
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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