dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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