Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
