So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
