i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
