I cannot find my penis.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
