you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize