dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
