Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Someone signed my nipple.
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