somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your cock deserves a montage
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We need to get me chipped asap
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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