just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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