why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
