Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so much tequila, so little girl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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