it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
