Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
