We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
