smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
