We need to rekindle our bromance
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
