So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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