nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
