I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
