i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
