And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize