Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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