I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
