better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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