When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
