Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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