I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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