I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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