Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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