I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
