well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize