It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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