he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
