There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
