Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
