he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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