she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
