you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize