He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
