Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
