And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
