can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
