After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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