I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
