Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
