Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
as a side note pls kill me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
