Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
