So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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