We got so high we made milksteak
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize