I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
