I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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