Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
