Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
