She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
