would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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