its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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