so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
