Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
