3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize