Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
