Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize